| you. |
[Dec. 8th, 2008|04:18 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | under the blanket | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  melancholy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | always be my baby - david cook | ] |
it has been a good eight months, yes a long time that is.. i still find myself stuck in my own shadow; unable to move on. i know i've been dwelling on the past which didn't make me any stronger.
i blame myself for all that had happened. and so?
i wish time could stand still. and so?
i pray things didn't turn out like it is now. and so?
people say time could/would heal but i beg to differ.
i have not recovered. i think of you still. i dream of you even. teach me how to cry it all out and move on. [if i can, that is]
i love you for who you are. i love you because the sight of you makes me smile. i love you because you wouldn't complain when i lay and numb your arms.
i love you because you make up my world. i love you because you make me lose my focus. i love you because you make me skip school. i love you because you spur me to do work.
my heart seems to beat.. only for you. |
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| reminiscence |
[Jan. 19th, 2008|11:59 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
i still remember how much you wanted to know me, then. i reminiscence on the times which both of us got so excited just talking on the phone. those days were special. or should i say, one of the best moments of my life. you once said you will cherish me, because i am not easy to get. yet, you backed out just when i decided to give my whole heart to you?
i want you in my life. don't leave me.
would you die for me?
would you run with me?
and never look back? |
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| walking with you |
[Jan. 19th, 2008|11:59 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
if i’m walking with someone else,
it’s not because i like his company.
it’s because you are not brave enough
to walk beside me.
when you thought i wasn't brave enough,
i was behind you every step of the way.
so filled with awe,
of the beauty which stands before me.
if you hear me talking about him all the time,
it's not because he pleases me.
it's because you're too deaf,
to hear my heartbeat.
when you thought i was too deaf,
i didn't want to assume,
i was afraid to lose our friendship.
if you feel i'm falling for someone new,
it's not because i love him.
it's because you're not there,
to catch me when i fall.
when you thought i wasn't there to catch you,
it's because i didn't had the chance to.
you never reach the bottom,
you already grabbed a brunch.
if you feel lost,
i am nowhere too.
i don't know where the path is leading to.
will we cross paths?
or turn around..
and let go of the love we've found?
don't let me walk with anyone else,
it's you i want to walk with.
don't let me talk of him,
it's you i want to talk to.
don't let me fall for anyone else,
it's you i want to fall in love with. |
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| let go.. |
[Dec. 7th, 2006|11:59 pm] |
i saw you on the street today..i didn't had the courage to go up to you!.. it was an awkward feeling which i can't describe.. how contradicting it is that i said in my novels to always take courage and boldness to face a realtionship like this.. yet, i can't even do so myself!.. i really felt like a loser now!..
we were not meant to be together.. and i know it is for a good cause that we were separated.. perhaps i just can't forget you..
you look the same as before.. whereas i am the one who changed dramatically.. you didn't even realised i passed you by.. maybe, it really is time not to hold on anymore..
-superstar matt- |
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| sank.. |
[Nov. 13th, 2006|11:59 pm] |
my heart sank.. i don't feel secure anymore.. one disappointment after another.. i had enough!.. whatever you say don't make sense anymore.. i needed your love, your care, everything of yours.. but you simply refuse to pour out.. am i the problem?.. or just what is the problem?..
so, whatever we been through is deemed as nothing?.. i am upset.. upset with the way you handle issues.. and me!.. i don't wanna lose you.. you mean the whole world to me.. your presence.. your touch.. i need them more each day.. please don't leave me..
"why are you so cold towards me?" i questioned..
"no, i'm not.. i was busy.." you clamied..
but was that really the case?.. i don't mean to doubt you, but i simply can't sense the love you once gave.. i miss you.. i love you..
-superstar matt- |
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| i stood clueless.. |
[Oct. 26th, 2006|11:59 pm] |
every conversation of ours became yours.. all i could hear is "i", "me" and "myself".. what is this? are you being too selfish? or.. too self- centered? i am clueless, at all..
I don’t yearn to obtain anything out of this relationship.. I just want you to have everything, but it seemed as though you already have everything even
if you didn’t had me..
we used to stand on the same step on the escalator.. now it seem that you are standing two steps ahead of me, leaving me behind, abandoing me.. you seem to be so much more sophisticated than when we first met, or are you always this way?.. perhaps i really do not know you that well afterall.. i hate to think this way, but you simply outshone me.. made me an outcast and left me aside to breathe on my own.. i know i am not good enough.. i have no need to put on any pretence.. i admit defeat, you won..
-superstar matt- |
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| love rekindled.. |
[Oct. 1st, 2006|11:59 pm] |
i warned myself to give up on you, never to look to you again.. but when that strong hand touches mine that night.. my heart melted.. i am all yours yet again.. why do this to me? you knew that i would give in.. you knew my weaknesses.. i am falling in love with you all over again..
how sweet that is.. the whispers on my ear.. the expression of your touch.. the wink of your bright, mesmerising round eye.. it caught my attention once more.. how sweet that is..
you bring me to places i never been to.. taught me approaches and ways i never knew about.. every moment with you becomes liken to a history lesson, a new experience reaped.. i never want to stop knowing you..
many times, i may have felt anxious, discouraged, downcast, strained or weary.. but you always cheer and root for me.. you put joy and satisfaction into my heart and see me through day after day..
i am falling in love with you all over again..
-superstar matt- |
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| your assurance.. |
[Sep. 19th, 2006|11:59 pm] |
you held me in that poor, strong arms of yours.. i laid there, amazed at the love you poured out.. i could not hold my tears.. yet, i uttered not a word.. yes, i was upset at myself.. i was not good enough for you.. i was afraid you might leave me.. will you?
the river of salty waters flowed from the corners of my eyes.. and reached your arms.. i wiped it off slowly with my delicate and trembling hands.. not wanting to wake you up..
you held me closer to yourself when i fondled your arms.. at that moment, the river could not stop flowing.. i knew i could not lose you.. i need you more.. you ain't leaving me, are you?
the struggle within left myself uncertain.. i needed your comfort, encouragement.. most importantly, your assurance..
-superstar matt- |
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| novel.. |
[Sep. 19th, 2006|11:59 pm] |
time really flies.. it seems like yesterday when we first met.. and in a blink of an eye.. we had since gone our separate ways.. persuing the desires of our hearts.. feels like i'm back to square one..
time stood still for us once.. will it stand still again?.. will time allow us to search through the deep things in our hearts?..
we shared many memorable moments together.. the good, the not so good.. the cool, the not so cool.. the bad and the really bad.. how i wish all these would never take the place of the historical fairytales we all used to hear about.. but it is all too late now.. time really flies..
i would miss you if ever we walk on the same street.. i would not have had the courage to walk up even if i see you.. but when you approach me.. i will just have to put on the brave front.. nothing happened.. time really flies..
i received your call.. got panicky.. and asked myself "why?".. i ain't got the answer.. it was that coincidental when i thought of you.. i am back to square one..
this novel extracted from my deepest heartfelt and creativity expressed the emptiness in one.. this person will constantly think to himself/herself "what's left of me?" the sadness in her eyes.. the tears which flow continually every night when she stands in front of the mirror, when she puts herself to sleep.. the double- cushioned pillow, the scented bed filled with rose petals all over.. never fails to comfort her through.. and when she wakes up in the morning, life is liken to an endless cycle to her.. not knowing how to face people, events, life and even she herself.. she had sunk into the bottomeless pit, not knowing how to get out of it..
are you like this person in my novel? u ain't got the answer to all these that had taken place.. but you are constantly asking yourself "what's left of me?"..
slowly.. you will be able to step out of this world which belongs to you alone.. and enter into the world where everyone is.. someone may have failed you once (or maybe more than once).. but that does not mean you cannot trust people again.. we may have experienced food poisoning.. but it does not mean we need not eat anymore.. it just mean that we need to be more careful with the food we consume the next time round.. similarly, you need to be more aware and alert where and whom you put your trust in.. pick up that courage once again, look around yourself and feel loved.. the world is full of hopes and opportunities.. just do not miss it again.. take bravery, walk up to that person if ever you see him/her on the streets.. just do not miss it again.. because time really flies..
-superstar matt- |
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